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Best (or worst) gobbledygook of 2006 Here is a back issue of Marketing Booster, the email newsletter that Richard Groom writes and sends free every fortnight to subscribers. You can subscribe here or read over 60 back issues using the back issues index page. As usual at this time of year [December 2006], the Plain English Campaign has announced the winners of its 'Golden Bulls' awards for the year's worst examples of gobbledygook. And once again, I am devoting the year's last issue of Marketing Booster to the awards for a light-hearted change from the usual tips and techniques. You can find a link to the winners at http://www.plainenglish.co.uk/bull06.htm#ccoi Here are my favourites from this year's winners . . . * Crafts Council of Ireland for a circular letter: "The re-writing of the vocabulary of intemporal Irish heritage is a possible vector for submissions on the condition that this transposition is resolutely anchored in the 21st century through a contemporary lens that absolutely avoids drifting into the vernacular." * Germaine Greer for a column in the Guardian: "The first attribute of the art object is that it creates a discontinuity between itself and the unsynthesised manifold." * Bury County Court for a General Form of Judgment or Order: "IT IS ORDERED THAT THE CLAIM BE ADJOURNED GENERALLY WITH PERMISSION TO THE CLAIMANT TO RESTORE TO THE LIST WITHOUT FORMAL APPLICATION NOT LATER THAN 16:00 HOURS ON THE 12TH SEPTEMBER 2006 WHEREUPON THE CLAIM DO STAND STRUCK OUT IF NOT SO RESTORED" * Fife Council for a letter about a change to bin collection dates: "It has been brought to our attention that due to changes made to your grey household wastes bin collection dates within your new calendar. Your bin will be emptied week beginning the 20th March 2006, then next collection would not be until the week beginning the 10th April 2006. Thus having to wait 3 weeks for collection. Therefore we are to provide a normal collection on your normal collection day, week starting the 3rd April and again on your new collection date, week starting the 10th April then there after every 2 weeks." And this must have been written by a marketer . . . * Wheale, Thomas, Hodgins plc for a job advertisement: "Our client is a pan-European start-up leveraging current cutting edge I.P. (already specified) with an outstanding product/value solutions set. It is literally the right product, in the right place at the right time . . . by linking high-value disparate legacy systems to achieve connectivity between strategic partners/acquisition targets and/or disparate corporate divisions. The opportunity exists to be the same (i.e. right person etc. etc) in a growth-opportunity funded by private equity capital that hits the 'sweet-spot' in major cost driven European markets." The Plain English Campaign also awarded supermodel Naomi Campbell with the 'Foot in Mouth' award for a baffling quote by a public figure for the following comment: "I love England, especially the food. There's nothing I like more than a lovely bowl of pasta." |